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November 17, 2004

I wonder how the Queen of England buys her toilet paper.

I mean...I was out of the stuff and I decided to purchase some from Costco. They had their own (Kirkland) brand, and another brand which was even less expensive - both two ply. So I bought the lesser expensive of the two. Now, usually I buy Charmin or Nice 'N' Soft from the regular grocery store. And, let me tell you, there's a significant difference. I mean, this stuff from Costco is not soft at all..it's like that stuff in public restrooms, except for two ply.

As I was contemplating this toilet paper as I put it on the roll, I began to wonder what kind of toilet paper the Queen of England buys. I mean, you'd think that it'd be some extra-plush super fancy stuff, right? I mean, no self-respecting Queen of England would have less than top of the line squares for her royal business. But how would she acquire the stuff? I mean, she wouldn't want people to know what she buys...after all, if it's Charmin, for example, the makers of Charmin might find out, use some hidden paparazzi video camera recording proof of the brand, then make a commercial out of it: "Charmin: If can wipe the Queen's derriere, it can wipe yours..." (or, obviously, something much more witty).

It's just something for you all to work on for a while. I've got 50 rolls to work through before I'll need to know.

Posted by Jeff at November 17, 2004 10:11 PM


Maybe she wears diapers.

Posted by: sab at November 22, 2004 01:51 AM

Maybe she just soils herself and then her royal servants just come and change her diapers. I mean, how do we know?

Posted by: sab at November 22, 2004 01:54 AM

I think she has slaves in the dungeon who make her toilet paper for her.

Maybe she uses cotton balls? Or Q-tips.

Or maybe not.

Posted by: Jeanette at November 24, 2004 12:22 AM

The Queen of Englad does not use TP. She is much to sophisticated for that. MUCH too sopisticated.

Posted by: kay tea at March 20, 2006 06:34 AM


Posted by: ArtModelVideos at March 29, 2006 12:24 AM

she probably uses a BD.

Posted by: Beth at April 21, 2006 06:06 AM

Haiku for a Queen by Michael Levy

Bedecked in pomp and circumstance
queen of true affection
wholesomeness in reign

Michael Levy. Professional Optimist.
Service With A Smile.

Posted by: Michael Levy at April 22, 2006 06:42 AM

i don't think she does go to the tiolet-like celebrities and people on tv shows-i mean-she's too sophisticated to fart right? lol thats why she has her lips pursed wen shes waving to people-shes thinking "you lucky sods"

Posted by: Vicki at July 25, 2006 01:44 PM

THis bich took a dimond from india i am now going to get it back. somehow. its name is the famouse kahinoor diamond

Posted by: Monty at December 23, 2006 09:33 AM

i think she uses happy shopper from the corner shop its so tight just like her arse hole

Posted by: sammy at January 19, 2007 03:53 AM

So what about her servants? What do they use?

Posted by: KC at January 29, 2007 01:18 PM

Oh stop it! The Queen doesn’t need TP because Queens don't go to the Loo. She, as with all the Royals are biologically special.

Posted by: Roby at April 10, 2007 12:43 PM

The Queen does not wear diapers. Any VIP
would not allow themselves to be substandard.

Also, the Charmin brand is not sold in
England. Trust me, I have been there and
seen for myself.

She would, however, have a supply of the
best kind of toothbrushes.

Posted by: Jean at July 10, 2007 03:42 PM

she lets her corgi dogs lick her clean.

Posted by: daniel at July 12, 2007 10:05 AM

respected queen,
in first world war, the queen of england gave the medals to the brother of my grand fatherbecause he died for honor of british at barmaand those medals were looked and saved by my fathersand now by me ,but now my poverty is forcing me to sell them but these are dignities of england si i want to sell them to englad .Do you want to buy them.

Posted by: zahid hussain at December 24, 2007 11:18 PM

It's very easy to find out what brand of toilet paper the Queen uses, because any product in the UK that is ordered for the official palaces is registered with a seal on the back that says "By appointment to HM The Queen". Twining's tea has it, as does Weetabix. I don't know what brand of toilet roll it's on. Either way, it gets ordered in by one of the palace officials and is put in place by a servant, no different to how it's done in a hotel.

People have funny ideas about the royal family.

Posted by: Joe at November 20, 2010 03:10 PM

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