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March 11, 2012

Why Do Women Want to be Raped?

First things first: It's been well said that "Men fall in love with their eyes, but women fall in love with their ears." Meaning, men are attracted to and turned on by visible physical beauty in women, while women are turned on primarily by what men have to say. A thousand times in my lifetime I've heard women mention the "sweet nothings he'd whisper in my ear" when describing things that they liked about past lovers, or "whispering his x-rated thoughts to me while we're out in public," or some such. This difference between men and women tends to result in men surfing photos of pornography on the Internet, whereas women surf "erotic stories" (in the old days, it manifested itself in men burying their heads in Playboy, and women burying their heads in trashy Harlequin novels).

Years ago, while I was participating in a heavy metal message chat room, one person chatting put up a link to a story on an erotic literature website (Non-Consent Stories), and I clicked to see what it was about. And what did I find? A story about a man breaking into a woman's apartment and raping her. And she liked it. She liked it a lot. I suppose it should not surprise me. After all, I've seen countless examples of women fantasizing over being taken without their consent - it's practically a cliche (close, but not quite). But it does.

Here's an example from the book world:

hes_on_top.jpg

Seriously, who buys these things...and more importantly...why?

To be sure, I am not referring to the kind of thing that you see depicted on the covers of Harlequin novels on the point of purchase displays at grocery stores. You know, the ones which show a very musclebound and obviously tall man with thick long flowing hair who's cradling in one arm the helpless and limp body of a bosomy woman who, obviously, can no longer control her passion for the magnificent pagan beast who is holding her and she is, helplessly, and emotionally, giving in to his passionate desire - and hers. No, I'm talking about a woman who is physically attacked by a stranger, physically held down and forced into intercourse without consent - and against her will.

That's what this thread's about: why...no, not just why, but why in the HELL...are women fantasizing about this? Why is it so popular? It's not just non-consent with the woman in the submissive role - there is plenty of examples of such stories about women putting men into the submissive role, as well. In either case, such subjects form the basis of many of the most mainstream adult websites (such as this one, but I won't do your searching for you). The desire for the "dominance and submission" thing seems to be, mostly, a female attribute - so maybe that's why I don't understand it, but it does appear to be extremely prevalent.

Personally, I despise anything that vaguely resembles male or female dominance - particularly in a sexual situation. In sex, as much and probably more so than in any other human interaction, both sexes should be dominant, all of the time, feeding their desires upon the flesh and desires of the other. Stories like the one's posted on the previously posted link are anything but a turn on - they're an anti-turn on of the most potent caliber.

Incidentally, I named that link from the title of the page. Notice that they call it "Non-Consent" rather than "rape" - what a great example of the psychological defense mechanism known as "rationalization", to take a bad thing and try to put a socially favorable interpretation on it by referring to it with an unfamiliar label, one which is less of a "hot button". Call a spade a spade.

So now let's look at what led to me making this post today. It's a story on USA Today entitled, Naked, bound woman in Subaru was part of a sexy romp.

A little Valentine's Day romantic role-playing went wrong for a Portland, Ore., couple after police found the woman bound and naked in the back of a Subaru driven by her lover....

The woman quickly told the cops that she was playing a role....

After police were tipped that a naked woman was seen bound and gagged in the back of the blue Subaru Legacy at a supermarket, police went on the lookout....

The cops were waiting in force -- nine squad cars -- when Harbar and Pelzner pulled their car into the driveway at home.

Seriously...they thought something was sexy about that?

Some people respond with, "It's just a fantasy, they don't really want to be raped! Well, and I say this emphatically: Duh! The bottom line, after summing all of the positives and negatives, is that they obviously don't want to be raped. But I'm not asking about the bottom line. What I'm asking about are the perceived positives. Ultimately the negatives outweigh the positives, so they don't really want to be raped, but in the fantasy the negatives are removed - which is what makes it a good fantasy. Except that, isn't everything about getting raped negative? Apparently not. So the question is: Why is it that women actually find positives in the idea of getting raped? Seriously, read this excerpt from one of the stories and find the appeal, for I am unable to located it:

"Damn!" She exclaimed, as she exhaled loudly and walked over to shut the window that looked over the small yard to the rear of the house. The movement of the curtain had stopped her in her tracks and with her heart racing, she scolded herself for being so jumpy. It had been a hot day and her roommates had obviously opened the window to the back of the house to get air circulating. Funny, she hadn't noticed it being open before her shower...a strong hand grabbed her from behind. Fear struck at her heart as her eyes widened at the sight in the mirror of the dark clad man holding her tight against him. One hand over her mouth, stopping the cry that emitted from her lips and the other around her waist, easily holding her as if she were a ragdoll.

She struggled but his grip got tighter. "Don't scream or fight me, and you will live through this!" The suddenness of his words and the strength of his voice in her ear sent shivers down her spine. The sudden realization of her nakedness and the warm hardness she felt against her lower back fueled the terror behind her eyes as hers were locked with his. He was dressed entirely in black. A ski mask covered his face....

She immediately begins to struggle but his strong grip and sharp, "Stop", halts her every move. She realizes he has total control and that she is at his mercy.

The realization that her body is responding with excitement sets off a war in her mind. How can she enjoy this? This man was taking her will away....

This post is not designed to be argumentative or judgmental, but is exactly what it's face value represents: a question. If anyone has any insights into this, I'd sure like to know what the answers are.

Posted by Jeff at March 11, 2012 10:03 AM

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